Sunday, December 6, 2009

Second Chance in Love after Betrayal

It is 12:00 midnight.Sleep is far away from my system. I am sitting reclined on the wall with laptop on my lap, gazing at white screen without iota of idea about what I am doing. Today, I think of many tings. Thousand of disturbing thoughts entered into my skull. These thoughts in my skull won’t let me to drown in tranquility of sleep. I sit here on my flimsy bed trying to picture out what is didturbing me. As I cracked deep down my skull, I found that the culprit behind my sleeplessness was related to past; the pathetic failure of past.
I have hung onto my past like stubborn sheep refusing to cross towards another side of river. In the same way,I failed to notice brighter leaf of my life while longing for paler side of past. The failure in the past is blockade in present which will delay journey of my future. In the past, I have done many things regrettable. I fought with staff at lower middle secondary school which resulted into expulsion from the school. I joined school at Mongar promising myself to change from old pathetic student to new puntual student. Well, change I did, thanks to a girl who walked into my life like light of day at night of my life. Slowly, I was changed to good student appreciated by all and model of school. Her word of suggestion(which she seldom give) would melt my heart. I would cry like baby if she got hurt by me. I was then no more student whose mouth stank of wine and whose pouch would be full of marijuana.
I tried my best to reform myself and in four years I was changed guy. I did all because of my love for her. We talked of our future together. We became inseparable but cruel Time has its own sinister pace to change. we finished our class xii in 2006. I qualified for professional course outside Bhutan while she qualified for DNL(RIM). On her first day, she informed me that one guy from her class proposed to her. Then a week passed and they became friends. Meanwhile, I bade teary adieu to her. I called her everyday from Delhi from the stipend I got from government. I didn’t care if I had to eat porridge as long as I heard her voice.
Gradually, I noticed change in her. She wouldn’t pick the phone unless I pestered her with lots of call. She would either say, she left cell at room or would keep it switched off. I asked her if she was seeing someone and she told me I was unreasonably jealous.
After five months, I came back one month earlier from my semester vacation because I wanted to spend time with her. She told me she as going to Gasa Tsachu, so I preponed by three days again. When I got to Simtokha, it was Friday evening. I called her but there was no answer. So, I dropped by to see her.she was with a boy alone in her room as others went to their relatives’ home in weekend. I was accused of dropping by to spy on her.I wanted to take her to movie but she told me, she had to befriend her distant sister who was wife of lecturer as lecturer was with serious ailment. I believed her though I knew she lied. I came back to my brother’s place.
However, at around 10;30 pm, another friend from RIM called me because he wanted me to accompany him to RIM. We walked at night as there was hardly a taxi. At eleven thirty, we reached at RIM. My friend asked me if I wanted to meet her before we retreat to bed. I agreed since I was so mad to meet her but was afraid that I might be accused of night-haunting as case in high school. My friend assured me, it was okay. So, we knocked room to her door. The same boy opened the door, his hair ruffled and shirtless. I gave half smile and walked in just to see girl I loved trying to put on shirt.she saw me and she picked card nearby and told us they were playing cardgames.i didn’t know which card game it was they played on one crumpled pillow and helter-skelter bedsheets. i just muttered, “at this point of night?’’. She ordered me to get out and scratched my face. Perhaps she was too ashamed. I couldn’t bear myself and slapped her twice or thrice and ran out and jumped out down into river from RIM bridge in rage and distress. I didn’t think of dying but I needed to cool myself off. Next day, I woke up, I was in house of my friend’s sister. This incident killed fire of will in my heart and I became another ghost just breathing. I didn’t blame her. Perhaps her failure as girlfriend was my fault as boyfriend.
Then my course of my life changed into drinks and drugs. I didn’t care as long as I didn’t have to live on world of reality. I needed drinks and drugs to be on paradise of imagination until I woke up myself completely paralyzed. I took three months treatment in hospital and another three under His Grace Morong Lama who treats disabilities. At the same time, another woman walked into my life. It started as phone-call and we ended up as partner.

Now, relation with my new girlfriend runs into a year and my breakup with ex into two years. But often, I find myself thinking about my ex- though my present girl tried her best to make me happy. Somehow. I suppressed my unsuppressible feelings towards my ex-girl till this evening when my friend told me bluntly, “ your ex is in Trashigang with his Meme(husband).” It was like bolt from blue. My heart always pained at mere mention of her name.
So, I decided to re-examine my feelings. That is the reason I am sleepless at midnight. I thought and thought. Finanlly, I came to decision that I will love my ex-girl but I won’t see her ever in my life. In mean time, I will forget her but I must beg for forgiveness for slapping her. It would be in form of letter but I won’t say sorry to her husband who systematically wrecked my life.
After writing letter, I called my present girlfriend. She received at first ring. She wasn’t able to sleep just like me. “I love you, will you marry me once out of college?’’ I asked and I heard a sop as she said, “what took you so long. I waited every second for that words”

I don’t know what took me so long but I know one thing that I can trust her with my life. I thank God for giving second chance in my life.

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