The Sucking Side of Me

Now, I created my own blog, I ought to give you little introduction of myself. I don’t want to sound self-obsessive guy which I am not but I feel it is my religious duty ( which I don’t believe in) to introduce sucking side of my life. I am Dorji Tenzin. I don’t have muscular little nickname but I will like to be nicknamed Tomlax after the woman I loved most in my life. Well, I still love her but she is no longer with me. Perhaps, I am too economical in my looks to walk with her in rest of her life. Perhaps, I was too protective of our relationship as I certainly was. But now I live just imagining her and meeting only in dream at night which spoiled whole next day. She pops up into my mind like TV ads.Frankly, I moved on from my relationship and I ran into another relationship with a girl whom I loathe to be together because I didn’t want to be lonely. Now, I am hooked to her like fish and she dictated grammar of my life though we are just having casual affairs. I always tell her with promise that I love her though I know I am lying from heart.I am student who hate studies. Actually, I hate my director who is cunningly good in PR and who entertain only praises from students, claiming himself to be cousin of Boney Kapoor and Anil Kapoor. I am mass communication student who never talked in classroom because I hate being pestered by my Indian classmates with their noisy rambles.Well, I grew up my sister saying I am ugly .Perhaps I am but my recent picture tells me that I am not because I know photograph doesn’t lie despite multiple manipulations. Photograph tells me I am handsome guy with beard of bear, face of black egg, body of monkey and colour of night. Oh, I have another good quality; I have voice of donkey.People always look at me awe-struck when I walk because I limp like girl with STI(diseases). I thank God for paralyzing me one and half-years ago because I innocently prayed him to return my girlfriend back to me. I tremble when I write for the same reason and I thank God for helping me to get bad marks( as I can’t finish writing) in college which will of course impede my future.And these qualities are sucking side of me.--

History of unknown man

Once upon in the sand of time,
Among the ocean of lives
He was a drop, smaller than beady dew
Unnoticed he came and same way disappeared.
Anyway who would notice drop in ocean?

Immortal he longed to be,
Yet death he desired
Like a chubby child for his mother;
They said he disappeared in thin air
Just as he did appear.

He has no name but had a mark,
Some says love for him was cruel,
Other says his dream was shattered
But he has no fame and name,
Who cares the nameless in the street.

In the spring of his life,
Buzzing like bee, they came for him
Then the season of life changed
The winter had come, nobody cared
He disappeared among dry leaves
Like dirt that just get blown.

Once he was synonym of spring
With flowers of success blooming,
Just in time when reaping came,
The fruit of success he have sown
Was slashed down by storm of autumn
The storm that long desired his downfall.

The gem of his life was taken
Then he became lifeless
His body was now breathing object
Like a tree breathing in wind,
He desired but the death
And death he embraced like love.

But then, who would care,
He was just a nameless face
Like a dry leaf in winter
That everybody tramples on,
Oh, he prayed a last prayer
"God, bless who are my foes
As you blessed you are my friend"

And this is history of nameless man.

The Raid on Cucumbers and Pumkins

My stomach cackled with hunger. I looked at 40-ngultrum watch on my wrist which read 9:30 pm with the help of auto-light on the watch. Light in the hostel was put off half an hour ago. Even our warden Mr. Serious Phuentsho went back to coziness of his wife’s warmth after rountine hostel check up. There were few murmurs and whispers here and there made by students who couldn’t fall asleep. Our school vice-captain Ego Pema who was always ready to use his new-found power commanded for silence at the top of his squeaky voice. This was scene in the ground floor of hostel at Pemagatshel Middle Secondary School. I was in class eight, the second most senoir class after newly instituted class nine.
I waited with abated breath for students to go to sleep. Meanwhile, the growl and groan of my stomach had increased. My friends and I missed the dinner at 7;00 pm as we were last in the line and food in the pot got exhausted before our turn came. It seemed like years to wait for another half an hour. Any way, by 10:00 pm, the murmurs and whispers turned into groans and moans of the sleep. I woke up as silent as cat from my bed and made bed in such way that unsuspecting warden would believe that I was sleeping. I put few ghos and my bags into mattress and made into shape of me sleeping in it, in case warden decided to come for second round check up. Then I groped towards my friend Damche and Minjur’s beds which were five and six beds away from me respectively.
“Minjur,’’ I whispered.
“Hang ya (what)” he said.
“Lets go,’’ I prompted.
“Is everybody asleep?’’ Damche asked in his boomy whispers.
“I think so,’’ I replied.
After five minutes, we were out of hostel and headed towards buzzar. We had planed to raid cucumbers at Aum Muthur’s place above buzzar. Few days ago, we had seen many pumkin and cucumber creepers freely crawling on the ground among maize. We walked as first as our legs could carry under street light. There were always risk of running into someone we know, who would report to school. As far as possible, we used alternative way, the footpath above road.
After twenty minutes, we came to field of our victim. None of us possessed torch or lighter as we couldn’t afford to buy. Ngultrum 10 was lot of money at that stage. We could buy two nepali soaps for ngultrum 10. Minjur and I slipped into field and kept Damche as our watchman. He was to signal us in voice of ox if owner or some other people come.
As we entered the field, the dog started barking ominiously. I groped slowly feeling creepers in my hand. I felt long and slender fruit in my hand. I plucked it and put into my bag. The dog’s howl became louder and louder and it ran towards field and back at house. Suddenly, we heard owners opening the door. Damche gave us big ‘Baa’. As we run, we heard a voice saying, “again that ox of Nim Dorji is in our field.”
Three of us gathered below BPC office under street light to devour our loot. “How much did you get,’’ Minjure asked me catching his breath
“Around five, you?’’
“I got four long and slender cucumbers,’’ he said. He took out his loot and showed us. Damche looked disbelievingly and muttered, “ what type of cucumber is this?’’ Minjure and I gave closer look and found out it wasn’t cucumber but long pumkin. All his loots were pumkins. I took out my loot and they were all pumkins except for one small crooked cucumber.
Disappointed, we came back. When we reached near gate, Damche whispered, “there is big cucumber at Sir Phuentsho’s kitchen garden. Lets steal it.’’ I looked at Minjure and he nodded agreement. Silently, we plucked that cucumber and devoured it once we reached near toilet. It was only our consolation prize.Next day, Mr. Serious Phuentsho announced during breakfast, “ I believe some of you didn’t get proper sleep last night. Do you have any idea who might it be?’’ “No sir,’’ students chorused. Three of us joined the practised chorus with smile of guilt on our faces.

A Tale of Single Mother

The sun was scorching like hell’s fire. The heat was unbearable as if Satan himself would swoon in such severe heat. Even the restless birds had stopped flying to and fro, were probably perching lazily under leafy twigs. The village itself seemed deserted and not a voice is heard except in one small field. In this small field, Yuden wearily weeded her maize field alone. Weeding time was over and maize had grown more than height of average human height. Every household in the village had finished their weeding except her. Their maize fields are full of maize plants with luscious dark green hues whereas her maize plants are pale yellowish green. Yuden, a woman with frail hands, old kira hitched up at knee busily plucked out weeds. If one looked closer at her face, one would notice tears welling up in her eyes and flooding down her cheeks like Summer River. Smile, once she loved to smile, was almost non-existant. Happiness was distant past. Her face spoke volumes about suffering, stress, anguish and betrayal. In her life time she had gone through trial of hell like fallen angel.
Somewhere from the corner of field, soft whining of three weeks old baby wafted softly on air. Wiping sweats from her brows, Yuden called out, “Singye, what is happening to baby?’’ there was no answer. She called again and again, there was no answer. She wiped her hand behind on kira, stood up from squat and walked towards whining baby.
The baby was covered with few rags kept under the shade of cut leafy branch which was erected for purpose of giving shade. Baby was kept on young artemesia plants which acted as mat. Nearby, a three years old naked boy had dozed off in the shade. “I told you to look after baby and you are sleeping, you bastard,’’ scolded tired Yuden picking up her baby. The boy woke up with start and looked fearfully at her mother just as fist of her shrew mother landed on his head. Singye, six years old boy didn’t cry but ran away where his mother couldn’t reach her again. “Come here, bastard, carry baby while mother works,’’ she ordered and Singye walked reluctantly towards her mother. The thought of carrying heavy baby was what he detested. He just wanted to play like other children but he always had to carry baby. However, whenever he could, he went to play with friends. They always asked him about his father. Some elder even told him, he was bastard whose father ran away when cock crowed in the morning.
Yuden went back to her work after making Singye carry the baby. She didn’t hate her child Singye but the sufferings in her life started the moment she knew about conception of Singye. Everyday, many thoughts crept into her mind and she wanted to die sometimes but she didn’t want her two children to starve though their fathers were two men she hated most now in the world.Singye’s father had accompanied one Dasho on Tour. He was handsome, soft-spoken and seemingly kind- hearted man. She was selected as dancer when Dasho visited the village. As she was most beautiful woman on the occasion, Dasho’s roving eyes fell on her and through out the dinner, Dasho’s wrinkled hands landed on her odd zones sometimes accidentally and sometimes intentionally. That was where her first child father came to rescue. He told her that Dasho was number one womaniser when dasho was out for relief. He promised to help her escape Dasho who was older than her father but she couldn’t escape that Knight of night. Now, she hardly remebers his face and name.
Then came father of his present child who was man from another village as a carpenter at new school construction. He sympathised with her and helped her.He wasn’t like other man attempting for what was under her waist but understanding and kind hearted. He told her he was bechelor who didn’t want to marry as his first love betrayed him. After four months of friendship, he started proposing her. He seemed so genuine that she accepted her just get beaten by his first wife when she was five month pregnant.
When she thought of all these, anger lurched out from her heart and tears of suffering flooded down her cheeks. Suddenly, she wiped her tears thinking, “I don’t have time to think about it. I will think it later.’’ As uncontrllable tears mixed with the sweats, she picked up her blunt hoe and started weeding again. “Come what may, I have to eat,’’ she muttered under heat of sun.
That dusk,when she dragged herself towards her ramshackle hut followed by Singye wobbling under weight of undernourished baby, she found one old stranger waiting at her doorstep accompanied by foxy Chupon( Gup’s messenger) who smiled wolfishly at her. At once, her mind told her that new guy was officials from dzong who wanted her nocturnal service and this Chupon who preyed forcibly on her many times had brought another wolf.
Anyway she smiled unwillingly and official smiled back. Chupon came forward saying, “ I feel horny. My wife has gone to her village.” He was her Ajang(uncle) but nobody spared defenceless woman. As she came near, the man from Zhung( government) said, “I am Dorji, new headmaster of this gewog’s primary school.’’
She didn’t opened her door. She didn’t want them to come in. It was not that she was ashamed of her poverty, it was because she was afraid that they would force her.
“What makes you come here, lopoen Gongma( headmaster)?’’ she enquired as gently as possible. “I live at Tshogpa’s house today. I came here because I heard about you,’’ he grinned. Red light flashed in her brain. “Though villagers may tell you, I am whore but I am not. For examplethis man who is supposed to be my Ajang forced on me and brought you-,’’ she said raising her voice. She didn’t care about her neighbours and she didn’t care about her dignity. Infact, she had no dignity left.
The headmaster smiled kindly. “I am not here for that,’’ he clarified with one fierce look at Chupon. “Then, why you take so much pain to visit my humble home,’’ she enquired softening her tone. “It is about your son,’’ he said, “I want you to send your son to school.’’ The word school brought nostalgia. She was hidden from view of group of school teachers who had came to select students from newly established school by her parents. Now, her friend were in jobs in differents parts of the country.
“I appreciate your concern but I can’t send him to school,’’ she said. “Why not?’’
“Because I can’t afford to buy his dress and meet expense,’’ she blurted out. “Don’t worry about it. I will take care of it until graduation,’’ he promised.
Next day, dressed in his best, Yuden sent her son with headmaster. She cried as her child walked away with the stranger called headmaster. Yuden looked on till her son disappeared into twist of footpath.She felt empty without him but she wanted him to be better person.As she walked back, she remembered that headmaster’s face seemed familiar but she couldn’t remember she had seen him. She went to Gup’s office to asked if that man had been in the village before, Gup answered, “he was father of your Singye’s father. Singye father died in car crash but he told his father about you.” Gup took out bundles of Nu. 500 from his table and handed over to her, “it is fromSingye’s grandfather.’’ Yuden felt like throwing money into gup’s face for not telling her before. But on second thought, she needed money. She silently picked up the money and walked out into morning gentle breeze.

GOODBYE MY LOVE

Every moment counts today;
Time flies on its swift wing;
And time for departure has come,
This very word kills my happiness;
I wish I could halt the time
As I want to be longer in your arms.


Do you realize, my dear?
How much will I miss you?
Will you miss me as I do?
I know you will in silence,
I can read your turmoil mind
From tears and quavering lips.
We both know we must depart,
As nothing stays together forever
Yet this very word gores my heart
And pain shall remain till eternity;
When you go away far far away
With scant chance to meet again.

I know you will go to west
And I must go to east;
But have ever thought a thought
That you will be in my heart forever,
There will always be space in my heart
In case we meet again.


After this sad departure from here
Will you remember me as today?
I will always remember you dear,
And say, ‘one I had pretty friend’;
Hope you will happily keep me
In your beating heart forever.
My dear, give me your rare smile
Before I disappear from here;
Like a good mom, wish me with kiss
But never shed a single tear
For it will hurt my emotions
And will leave scar in my heart.


My heart is now in storm
Not knowing how to float on;
I have no words to say
Yet I don’t want to go away;
Hope you won’t mind my dear
If I stay here a little longer.

I see tears brimming in your eyes
I don’t want to see it falling
For it will force my tear out,
And make me unable to move;
Please, my dear, give me a smile
Then I will bid you goodbye.

Goodbye, my dear goodbye
Till I exit, you will wave for me
With smiles on your red lips;
Your tears will kill me
Though I know its tear of love
Goodbye, my love goodbye.